I Was Going To...

“I HATE YOU! I’m leaving.” I screamed towards my crying mother. I grabbed the keys to my car and walked out the garage door after slamming it hard. What is her problem? Can’t she just leave me alone? I’m not having sex, doing drugs, or drinking, so what does she care what I do on my time? My car is my freedom I use it to get away. Sometimes I just drive into the mountains and take a nap in the mountain air. I’ve never done anything “bad” but she won’t believe me. I just like to get away and have no one know where I’ve gone. I just want to disappear; from her, from the world, from everything. This time I was leaving for a while. I was pissed. I got in the car and jammed up the radio. I felt my hand twitch as I realized my words. I could hear the loud sob of my mother through the thin garage wall. When I cleared my head and got home I was going to apologize. I shouldn’t have said those things. But apologies are for another time; right now I’m just going to disappear. I backed out of the garage and drove down the street, with my arm out the window feeling the wind, turning left towards the mountains. As I came across an intersection I heard a loud twang and my body was suddenly sent into a convulsion it seemed like. The airbag deployed. I felt my arm snap as the front of the car met the middle. Squishing me like a doll. I felt metal hit my head. I could feel blood poor out. I knew I was dying. My vision began to fade. This isn’t fair, I was going to say sorry. I was going to be better. Instead the last my mom will know of me is “I hate you.” No! I could feel tears stream down my face. I thought of her crying as I left. I realized all she had done for me. But now, it was too late. I was going to be sorry, I was going to be better, I was going to…



*Thanks to Mymemory62005 for the inspiration*

Choices

A man has 6 people including you at gun point. He tells you that of the six bullet chambers only 1 is loaded. You have a choice. You can have him shoot you or at one of the other captives. You alone get to make this choice. You have no idea if he lied about the bullets in the gun or not. You have no idea which if any are loaded. What would you do? Would you have him shoot at yourself? It could be blank. It could not. Would you have him shoot at another? What if then it wasn’t blank? Could you live with that on your conscious?

It Will End In Fire

I once believed in a type of seer. A prophet of some sort. Not that they had some sort of super natural ability, but quite the opposite, they were more in tune with the nature around them. These people never really had much opportunity for relationships. Quite sad, but such tranquility with nature requires much sacrifice. I had the chance to meet one such individual. It led to the most terrifying event I have ever witnessed,

When I was no more than 17 I lived in a quite rural area. Small town. Everyone knew everyone. My house was two stories, on a 4 acre lot. On this lot we had a couple horses. My father owned a farm outside of town. He spent many tireless hours slaving in the fields and working with the livestock. His face was very warm and every time he came home from working he would smile softly and warmly and would proceed to question me about my day. Those moments made me love the man. His warm smile, loving face, and general concern for the well-being of his only son always made my soul light up. Like a fire, glowing and giving off warmth for all those around it. He was all I had in this quite town. My mom passed away many years ago in a harsh winter. She went out in the middle of a blizzard to find her lost son, me. She did find me some hours later, but when she did find me I was nearly frozen to death. She took off her coat and gloves and every piece of warm clothing she had and wrapped it around me. She then picked me up and carried me back to our home. By the time she had carried me all that way she had no energy left to fight the cold. Her face turned blue, and her lips to a dark purple such of that of a royal kings clock. My dad wept for many hours. Never have I seen him weep so. I knew that deep in his heart somewhere he blamed me. Or at least I thought. But I pushed these thoughts to the darkest corner of my mind, never to be touched or heard of again.

One sunny afternoon I was walking down the street to my house, about a mile further down the road. That is when I passed Ms. Blancher’s house. She was rocking on her porch. Alone. Never had she married, and now in her 80th year of life, I found it hard to believe she ever would have the chance now. As I walked by she looked at me. Her eyes now filled with a cloudiness that comes with age, and said, in a raspy voice, “Dear, why don’t you have your umbrella? It will be a rainy day.” I just pondered her words. Giving her a quizzical look I was sure she couldn’t see from her porch I replied “I must have forgotten it, but thank you for reminding me Mrs. Blacher.” Half a mile further down the road the weather took a turn for the worst. And it poured. I walked into the house completely soaked. As I closed the door I could feel the water rolling off of me and onto the floor. It was a complete mess. One thing bothered me that night. How did she know?

The next day I woke up bright and early and headed my way down the street to Ms. Blancher’s house. I walked up to her door. When I stepped on the porch I could feel the old weathered wood bend and heard it squeak under my foot. “Hello Aaron, come and on and make yourself at home.” An old raspy voice sounded from deep within the house. How did she know it was me? No windows were open. I didn’t speak as I approached the house. I was greeted by a quaint living room. In which there was nothing much to speak of. All the furniture had years and years of use, giving them a warm welcoming feel to it. I sat in a chair that sank low as my weight came to rest on it. Ms. Blancher came in and sat down on the couch. “Honey, I know why you have come, you want to know how I knew it was going to rain.” She spoke these words almost as if she knew my innermost thoughts. “Dear, when you get to be as old as I am, having no one to fill your ears with words, and noise, you begin to hear things many miss. Many things. Such as the rain, singing in the distance, or the earth shouting as it is preparing to tremble, or the bird singing its last song before it goes the way of the earth. And now my Dear, I’ve heard the Earth. My mother Earth crying for me to return home. I fear it will be soon my darling. Leave me now, and never pass this way again.” Completely shocked by this monologue, so deep, coming from this old lady, I stood up and did as she bade. Weeks passed by. Everyday I found myself wondering whether she had passed. One day as I walked by her house I looked in and saw something move. This gave me courage. I walked up to the door. This time I was not greeted. This time I just walked in. For some reason the same room did not offer any warmth or welcoming. I scanned the room. “Ms. Blancher?” My voice called out almost like a cry of a baby. Something inside me grabbed at my heart. Did she pass? What did I see move in the house. I walked into the kitchen and I found Ms. Blancher clutching at her heart. “Ms. Blancher!!!” I rushed forward. “Now my darling,” she spoke more quietly and with more rasp than ever. ”It is my time to return home. Is there anything you need to ask not of me, but of mother Earth?” My mind raced, what could I say to this seer of the earth, this prophetess? “How will it end? How?” Her eyes sparked up at this and she reached forward towards my chest, this time speaking no louder than the quietest whisper. “It will end in fire.”

She than fell to the ground. My heart raced. I ran for a phone but I found none. I raced home the mile to get to a phone. I dialed 911 and tried to keep from crying. An ambulance rushed to her home. When they got there all they found was an empty house. I knew something was wrong. Maybe mother earth had taken her away. Maybe she wasn’t dead. Maybe she ascended. I knew not what happened, but her words hurt more than ever. It will end in fire.

That night when my father came home I was greeted by the same warm face. But it darkened when he saw mine. “What is wrong?” No matter what he tried to do nothing could console me. The death of Ms. Blancher was not what jerked me so, but rather her last words. The words she would use her last breath to say. It will end in fire. I couldn’t sleep that night. When dawn broke I went outside to feel the fresh air. I turned around. My father was lighting up the fire in our living room when it seemed almost to jump out of the pit and to burn down our house. My father ran outside. The weather seemed to worsen. Dark rolling clouds came in. But no rain came to the relief of our house. I saw lightening strike just out of town. I knew it was the doing of Ms. Blancher. I saw smoke on the horizon. My father’s eyes began to tear. He ran and I followed. I knew what had happened before we even saw it. It will all end in fire. The farm, our house, all of it, gone. Fire had taken it back to mother earth. It will all end in fire. All of it.

That is it. We are Done!

We made it through. (Even if it was by the skin of my teeth). Woo hoo! I don't have to blog anymore! I most likely will though. I mean honestly, I need something to do all summer. And it is a nice way to say what you want to say without anyone looking at you in the face. I guess it makes you more honest. You're more willing to go out and say what you want to. That can be bad too. It goes both ways. Like a lot of things.

This year is over. I can't believe it. I never would of thought that this year would go by so quickly. It was shocking to realize I won't see many of those people again. It is a sad thought. But all things end. Even the truly sweet things. Nothing remains forever. Except love. Love. Such a strange word. How can we put such a sweet emotion into a word. It is weird. You never really can fully descirbe it. Go ahead and try, emotions are just tricky that way.

Time for another set of friends. I've moved a lot so I guess this doesn't hit me as hard but it still hurts. Some of my friends are going to Davis. Which is sad. Hopefully I'll have tons of friends at Layton next year.

You Might Regret What You Let Slip Away

Seize the day! Don't sit there and stare at the world. We are here to live. So live. Take that chance you were thinking about. Don't let everything you want slip through your hands. If you never take risk, you never succeed or fail. So are you just going to sit there and be neutral your whole dang life? No. Never. Not me! I would rather see success right next to failure. Risk is worth taking. Go ahead try for yourself. Tell that special someone that they are special. Go outside and have fun. Dance like no one is watching. Confidence is attractive. Show that you aren't afraid of others. So what if you fail? Does it truly matter in the end? We all end up six feet under. Go out tomorrow, and just take that risk. Tuesday I should take some extra risk. Tell some kids what I truly think. So should you! If everyone said what they thought there would be no confusing girls! Haha. Seize the day.

"Live every day as if it were your last and then some day you'll be right. ~H.H. "Breaker" Morant"

"Go for it now. The future is promised to no one. ~Wayne Dyer"

"Every man dies. Not every man really lives. ~Braveheart"

"As you grow older, you'll find the only things you regret are the things you didn't do. ~Zachary Scott"

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. ~Abraham Lincoln"

"Most of us spend our lives as if we had another one in the bank. ~Ben Irwin"

"Seize the day. If we let them slip away, we only let our happiness go with it. ~Tom Buchmiller"

Move Along, Just To Make It Through

When everything is wrong, we move along. Why can't people grasp this concept? It isn't that hard. We have all been taught how to live, and what to do. So why when are we kicked down, we stop. It doesn't make sense. I take joy in seeing myself pull myself out of the dirt and stand up. Even if this is just to get kicked down again. No matter how many times I am hit, kicked, and pushed face down into the dirt, I stand. Why is it that I see so many others just stay on the ground? Have they no honor? If we let others push us down we give them power over us. We let them show they are better. Is that really what you want? It makes no sense. When everything is wrong, we move along. Move along just to make it through. Never go against what you know to be true. If you know they aren't better than you, then get back up. If you know that you have to get up. Get up.

Wow...

I haven't been blogging like I use to. I guess life just got busy and I kept pushing this off. Everyday I would just say, I have one more day tomorrow. This really became a problem for me this last term of school. I got lazy and now I have started to procrastinate. It seems that every year I start the school with renewed energy and I get everything done and everything is just fine. Then this energy carries me through 2nd term and most of 3rd, but by 4th term I am so lazy that I don't do anything until the day before it is due. This is something I plan to work on this upcoming year. With the classes I'm taking next year I can' t afford to put things off. With an A/B schedule it will make it easy to procrastinate, but it will hurt me if I do. I just need to use my mind and put it towards doing my work. It isn't so much that I can't do my work, just I don't feel like it. There is always tomorrow right? Wrong. If we all put things off until tomorrow our lives would be ruined. Such is the example of eating healthy. If we put it off then we are just hurting ourselves. Or it doesn't have to be something physical. Like asking a girl out. If we keep putting off, we will never go out. (Learn this now boys!) Procrastination should be considered evil. Sloth is one of the seven deadly sins. So start working now and don't wait for tomorrow. Because today is the tomorrow you talked about yesterday. Not everything can be pushed back a day. If we do, we become sloths. They aren't the most beautiful things either.